Common misbelieves about Flirting – And yes: You can learn flirting!
There are many widespread misbelieves about flirting. My last post about the relation between a good look and success with dating made me think more about if you can learn flirting or not. So, time for a new post.
Though everyone should know that everyone can flirt (some training might be required though) many people really think flirting skills cannot be taught nor improved. They just think that flirting is a kind of god-given gift one has – or not.
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Well, that is ridiculous. Of course, talent is always a good starting point, and there are people having just a great talent at flirting. But as with ALL things in live talent will account only for some 10% of the success (do not blame me for being wrong if you find a case where it might be 5%, 20% or even 33%). The main idea is that the largest part of one’s success is due to some effort, like learning, training and work. While that sounds a little bit sad (work!), here comes the good news: you can learn and improve your flirting skills and second, actually it is pleasant because the »flirt work« (haha, I bet you never did hear this before!) is actually a very pleasant »work«.
But how come that people tend to perceive flirting and the art of having a flirt like this? Obviously it would be very unfair to say they are just stupid. Things often really appear like this. But again, this is due to a misconception, which is somewhat tricky to figure out: when someone has a certain natural talent on a certain area – such as flirting – he is able to LEARN slightly easier than others. Although, his rate of success while LEARNING will be slightly higher. Both factors will fill him with joy and encourage him to move on. He will fail, too. But as he will have more success than failures he keeps enjoying flirting and will accumulate over time a great amount of flirt experience.
As our “natural” flirting genius moves on and on, it is only logical that he gets better and better. His success rate will increase dramatically, and then one day, you see that guy (or gal) on the street, flirting around and apparently never failing. Who would not feel anxious now after he has seen those god-gifted flirting-gurus?
Well, just call to your mind that his first attempts haven’t been any better than those of anyone. Let’s pick an analogy from arts. Do you really believe that the first drawings of Picasso as a child have been much better than those of yours during early childhood? Most probably not. The difference even for those best of the best is learning and training. Flirting itself is an art and hence, the analogy referring to art is quite true. If you don’t believe me, read my post on how to write a love poem and write some for you. Every day one for about two weeks. Though poetry is likewise believed to be a kind of god-given gift, you will see some improvements after one week, won’t you?
With flirting it’s the same. You just have to start out and to improve your flirting skills. And to accumulate some flirt experience. Every time you did not succeed, move on, be relaxed and know that this is a part of the learning process. With time, your success rate will increase. And be serious: you do not have to become of those Casanovas (but you could actually!). It is sufficient to get happy. After all, you are looking for a relationship, aren’t you?
But first you have to start a flirt. That is the point where many people believe they cannot do it, because they do not know how to start a flirt. But flirting is an ongoing issue happening all the time and the goal is usually not getting immediately married. It’s about socializing and kind of a game. A quick glance at the tube, followed by smile is a good start. No more. A smile back is a good result! Be nice with your colleagues. Do not bother them, but be friendly and make some gentle gestures that you appreciate them. That will warm up the atmosphere and you get some feeling for what people like. A friendly chat with the bartender or salesperson at a store. There are many opportunities. Even the older neighbor is a good learning opportunity. This will give you experience and confidence over time and is absolutely risk free. You can move on then to other situations like two people – who actually happen to like each other – sitting side by side, without doing anything. They are just simply waiting the other to start the flirt. Hey dude! You are one of the people sitting there! So jump over your shadow, remember what you’ve learned and just start flirting! Like this one, there are so many interesting flirting opportunities.
Just go on flirting, but don’t overdo i
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