Is He Shy or Just Not Interested?
A reader named Deanna, after having been peer-pressured into becoming a manslatee by her roommates (thanks roomies!), has come to the feet of the manslator with a perennial confuser: How can you tell if a guy is too shy to make a move…or just too not-likey-you enough to make a move? He’s definitely given her some clues. Let’s see if we can solve the Case of the Missing AskOut!
My friends and roommates are obsessed with your site and after reading through a couple entries, I can see why! They’ve written you before and suggested I do so too so I am doing so.
This guy I’m head over heels for is exhibiting all the signs that I’ve known in the past to be classic “I like you signs.” He goes out of the way to say hi to me, he compliments me a lot (and it’s usually followed up by blushing), he remembers everything about me and recalls them proudly (he’ll bring me lunch from a place I told him I liked, he gives me DVDs to a show that I very casually mentioned I’d like to watch), he smiles a lot at me and I catch him looking at me quite often. However, he hasn’t made a move and I’m totally confused by that because in the past, that’s what always ends up happening. He doesn’t flirt overtly because he’s a generally shy guy and he seems rather reserved. I’m not sure if he’s giving me signs and expecting me to make a move or if he’s just a quiet friendly guy? Do guys provide assists so the girl can make the basket? How do I find out if he’s interested or just a friendly guy? He is incredibly nice to everyone… man. Help me out here.
Dear Deanna,
Ok, he’s giving you some very palpable clues. Just palp them and see. See how palpable they are? Great. Let’s just list them. That always feels productive, doesn’t it? (Ahh, I’m feeling more productive by the second!)
CLUES GIVEN BY DEANNA’S WOULD-BE SQUEEZE:
- …goes out of his way to say hi. Usually at least a decent sign, but not conclusive. And that’s assuming that “his way” is actually far enough out of your way to make it a statement, and not just a coincidence. You know, you’re looking for something like taking an entirely different subway on the off chance that he might run into you because he saw you at that stop before. That’s…I mean, who would do that? Nobody who’s admitting it now, I’ll tell you that much https://myclc.clcillinois.edu/web/jeff_test/tutoring/-/message_boards/message/24151521/maximized
- …compliments you, followed by blushing. Very, VERY solid sign. There really isn’t too much reason for a guy to blush if he doesn’t like you. Well, barring any blood pressure issues.
- …remembers details. Good, but not necessarily conclusive.
- …brings you stuff. Very good, and a little over-the-top in the niceness department. I mean…how did he even know you were hungry, that he brought you lunch? That’s a lot. But in a sweet sort of, “cat bringing you a dead mouse” sort of way.
- …smiles and looks at you. Good signs, but not necessarily conclusive that he LIKE-likes you, if you know what I mean.
And the coupe de grace…
- …has not made a move
Whaaaaaa?
Actually, I’m not surprised. Not at all. He’s definitely showing signs of liking you. Maybe quite a lot, in fact, what with the lunch and the DVDs and the blushing. But those things also say something else to me…
THE BALLAD OF SENOR SUPERSHY
I’m not going to sing a ballad, I’m happy to say. I don’t even know why I wrote that. The point is, the guy is shy about being clear with you. Very shy. As in, he clearly likes you quite a bit, is trying to do things that get you to like HIM…but no askie-askie https://ppdvn.gov.vn/web/okcupid/home/-/blogs/10-loi-khuyen-hen-ho-cho-thanh-thieu-nien
Why? What’s the holdup? Well, given that he likes you (and I think he does) I think there are two possibilities:
- You’re Not Encouraging Him: This could definitely be it. Could be he’s just not getting the signs back from you that you’d say yes if he asked? What are YOU doing? Are you going out of your way to pay attention to him? Playing a little flirty-flirty back at him when he does these nice things? Could be all he needs is a couple of clues on your end to let him know he’s got the green light. If you’re feeling in any way remedial on your flirty-flirty action, I’m sure there are plenty of manslatees that can give you some tips on this in the comments.
- He’s just hopelessly, hopelessly shy: Hey, some folks are just built that way. Could be that he needs you to make a move. I’d say, make it a casual one. “Hey…you wanna grab a coffee sometime?” Done and done. If only you could see me literally wiping all of the confusion off of my hands as I say that. This will take all the unnecessary tension out of the situation, and on with all the remaining tension, which is usually part of the fun.
Good luck, Deanna! I think this one’s a slam dunk, seriously. Give him a real green light. If that doesn’t work, grab that assist and send it into the basket, baby! As long as the team wins, honestly, who cares who scored the basket?
How can Deanna show this dude that he’s in the clear?
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