Dating Questions from a Successful Woman
There is a myth that persists about men being intimidated by high achieving women. Some women who are strong and successful stay captive of this limiting thought. It can cause them to be defensive and cautious in a man’s presence unaware of the subtle messages they are sending out. This one belief can keep a successful woman anchored in the misconception that she can’t find love. It can cause her to return to the same result, over and over: she’s alone.
More than likely, men can’t get near her because of her defensiveness, her self imposed isolation, or her lack of emotional availability. She doesn’t go out; she doesn’t reach out; and most of all…she doesn’t believe she can have a great guy.
Here is a recent dialogue I had with a fabulous, successful, strong woman who was asking the questions many women want to know:
* QUESTION: Is it okay to say to a man, “I think you are nice, have a great personality, and I would like to get to know you better?”
* ANSWER: All of the above is good, but you want to get somewhat more specific about how and when you would like to get to know him. Your statement is a little too open-ended and indirectly says, “I like you. What are you going to do about it?”
How about: “I enjoyed talking to you…would you like to have coffee sometime so we could talk again?” If he hedges, drop it. If he seems interested, see if you can set a specific time. Definitely exchange phone numbers and email addresses. If he doesn’t call or text you within 24 hours, you get one time…and one time only…to reach out to him. There are reasons why you want to give it one try. COUNTLESS people say they lost the phone number, or they got cold feet, or their old girlfriend called right after he met you. Very, very strange things occur that are difficult to quantify or explain when you meet a possible romance. After you make the call, if he responds, he’s interested. If he doesn’t…move on.
* QUESTION: I’ve read that twirling your hair and almost or slightly touching your arm sends a signal to men. Does that sort of thing really work?
* ANSWER: These are subliminal body language messages that researchers say have an impact on men. Obviously, doing this kind of thing overtly and conspicuously can have the opposite effect of what you are trying to achieve. But if you are comfortable with it, and you are in the process of making a connection, subtle messages can be helpful. I don’t think one needs to do or say or act in any way that is false to your character…but I do think that knowledge is power, and if you choose to employ what you’ve learned, give it a try. At the very least, you need to understand other body language signs, like: crossed arms means go away, and your toes and heart pointing away from the person you’re talking to means you’re not interested.
* QUESTION: What makes a male pursue a woman? They see many women a day. What makes them choose one in particular?
* ANSWER: In terms of instant attraction, there are lots of qualities that men cue in on. The waist to hip ratio attracts them on an unconscious level, meaning a smaller waist than hips. POSTURE, LIPSTICK, and a SMILE have all been found in research to be important in attracting men. Locking eyes with someone, looking away, then glancing back is a universal signal of interest. Difficult to quantify or describe, your scent and how you SMELL has a powerful effect on a man’s response to you. Following all those superficial, yet important initial characteristics is your level of conversation. This is where many successful women lose the date: they are defensive. You have to feel secure in knowing that you are in control of you; that you understand how to use good boundaries with a smile and without coming across as tough or cold; and that no one has the power to hurt or mislead you because you listen for the clues of when someone is inauthentic. If you don’t have this kind of confidence or ability, look into getting a coach.
Are men afraid of successful women? Men (and women) are afraid of anyone they could be vulnerable to who has the power to hurt their feelings. And they should be. Protecting your heart from an injurious relationship is central to survival.
The point is, men are not afraid of you if you are accomplished…and kind. They are impressed. So go ahead. Be as wonderful as you are. You’ve earned the right to shine…and to be happy with your life!
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