De-bootying the Booty Call?
Young lady thinks she might have an impending booty call on her hands…and she wants more than that — sure, of course. But she wants it from THIS guy. Any way to get the upgrade?
Not if she’s correct that it’s a booty call. I’m just not sure she’s correct. Let’s find out.
Hi Jeff…so I met a really nice, charming, British guy. So nice and charming and British that I slept with him on the first date.
You know…at first I was going to crack a joke about someone being just too British NOT to bang right away…but I know plenty of women who have gotten with plenty of furr’ners just ’cause they were so darn furr’n. I get it. (And before anyone freaks out, sleeping with a man on the first date does NOT doom you to the realm of booty.)
I’ve been out with him seven times now and we always end up in his bed after each date. He asked me to
sleep over the first time and I said ‘no’ because I had to catch an early train, and he hasn’t asked me to stay again. Doh!
sleep over the first time and I said ‘no’ because I had to catch an early train, and he hasn’t asked me to stay again. Doh!
Doh, indeed. Doh, indeed. Your refusal might just have spooked him away from asking again. More in a bit…
He plans really nice evenings: dinners, conservatory, foreign film, concert, etc. and between brief, silent moments of sexual tension we have great conversation. I realize that this is
taking on a once-a-week-all-you-can-squeeze-booty-buffet sort of pattern. He says that I’m “fun” and that’s probably a kiss of death.
taking on a once-a-week-all-you-can-squeeze-booty-buffet sort of pattern. He says that I’m “fun” and that’s probably a kiss of death.
Mm. Not 100% sure about that just yet. I mean…it’s not like he’s likely looking for someone who is specifically not fun, right?
I know it’s all my fault; I’m a weak, weak little woman, and hell, if the gettin’ ain’t good!
Hey, the whole arrangement actually sounds kind of fun to me. I mean, some say that such all you can squeeze booty buffets are unsanitary, but as long as you guys are using the tongs and sneezeguards, why not? (You know that sentence didn’t start out to be euphemistically horrible, but it sure ended up that way, didn’t it?)
I’m casually seeing a couple other guys here and there, just to keep my options open or I guess mostly to distract myself. But I haven’t taken anything to a physical level; and I’m pretty sure he’s been dating around
too.
too.
Ok, so just to be clear, neither of you has really made any overt moves toward getting serious.
But I really like this guy; he’s really sweet, insanely smart, funny, polite, and he makes me tea and plays his guitar and sings to me between rounds! I’m wondering: is there’s any way that I can steer this toward something more serious?
And a complete tangent perhaps…but, uh, y’know…hypothetically speaking if a young woman is called “exceptionally talented” in bed…do guys automatically assume that she’s a (ahem) slut? Or do they even care?
Nah, not necessarily. I mean, it’s possible some guys think this, but it’s also possible that he’s just complimenting you on a job well done, so to speak.
I don’t think it’s when you’re “talented” that guys think you’re a slut. The slut thing isn’t really about sex at all, in my opinion. I think it’s about self-respect. If a woman respects herself and her choices, who am I to judge who she sleeps with? If she doesn’t respect herself, and sleeps with guys BECAUSE of that fact? Yeah, not so attractive. Sounds to me like you’re in the clear here.
Sincerely,
heart-bloke
heart-bloke
Dear heart-bloke (such a great pseudonym),
Ok, first the bad news. You probably can NOT “steer” this thing in any way at all. It’s not like that. I know that there are tons of books and magazines devoted entirely to the idea that you’re going to convert his feelings from one thing to another by:
- ignoring him.
- making him “work for it.”
- pretending you don’t like him.
- putting his pigtails in an inkwell.
I might have made one of those up. Whatever. Don’t do these things, ok?
Here’s the thing: while you can’t make him get serious about you, you CAN determine whether or not he will. And from what you tell me, I’m not so sure that he wouldn’t.
He seems like he really does like spending time with you. And even though he doesn’t invite you to stay — look, he did ask you that very first time, and you gave him what sounds even to me like a lame “I’m making this up to get the hell out of here” excuse. Early train? Come on, lass!
And after all, the man IS British, no? He might be thinking, “Ok, I wanted her to stay, but she said no. Clearly she is, at best, not so sure about this. I’ll let her set the pace.“
So, how to tell what’s what? I’ve got an idea. And it involves you setting that very pace whilst, and at the same time, getting yourself some fine British action. (Or do they spell it with a “u” or something? “Actioun?” Maybe not, ok.)
RUN HIM THROUGH…THE ENSLEEPERATOR!
Listen, heart-bloke, you and I both know you’re going to sleep with him again, right? It’s ok, you can admit it. Well, great! Do it. But this time, end up in YOUR bed. And invite him to spend the night afterwards. Be prepared for either a yay or a nay. But really notice how he reacts. Not just whether he ends up staying or going, but his immediate reaction when you invite him.
See, we just don’t know if the fact that you turned him down when he invited you MIGHT have made him feel like you weren’t interested in going that direction. So, let’s give him one more shot to see how he behaves.
Again, you’re going to be playing “cricket the lorry” (or however those Brits refer to sex these days) at some point. Might as well get some intel out of it.
If he seems uncomfortable or resistant to spending the night, I’d prepare yourself for the fact that he doesn’t see you as “exclusive” material. If he seems to really warm up to the idea, then it’s looking pretty good.
After all, what you’re really looking for is a sense of ESCALATION or not, right? Well, here’s a fairly low risk test balloon on the escalation scene, and it involves getting some UK tail! Win-win!
Good luck, heart-bloke! God save the queen!
Can she steer this in the right direction, ladies? Or can she at least tell what’s what?
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