Reader Request: How Can I Get Over Him?
Hello, everyone. Yes, EVERYONE. I’m talking to all of you when I say that. “Hello,” I mean. I guess you’d all assume I was talking to all of you, but I don’t want to leave anything to chance. That’s the Jeff Mac way.
Uh, let’s get started with the post, shall we? Great idea!
Today, I’m going to respond to another request from a reader. She writes:
Dear Manslator,
I am in love with somebody I don’t want to be in love with.How can I get over him?
Sincerely,
Can’t Let Go Of Anything Ever
Dear CLGoAE,
While this is not strictly speaking a “manslation,” boy did you ask the right person. I am the most notoriously un-letty-go-ey person I know. I have a TON of experience in staying with a woman for so long past our expiration date that I’m embarrassed to admit it. Sadly, I just DID admit it. But hey, that was way back a couple of sentences ago — who remembers that kind of thing anyway?
So, the question is, how do you get over loving someone you don’t want to love. The answer is almost always, “Badly,” right? Some people stalk. Some merely googlestalk. I’m more of a lay-on-the-floor-and-moaner myself. But people have devised any number of ways to deal with this. Over/undereating/drinking, late night calling, drunken text messaging, calling and hanging up. The whole spectrum of embarrassing, shameful behavior.
My personal favorite was during one of my very first “real” breakups, when I actually wrote this woman a…well, I guess the only way to really describe it would be to say that it was a sort of an Aesop’s fable, with talking animals and a moral, the whole bit. I’m still not sure what my goal was there. (p.s. it did not receive very good reviews from the young lady. So I’m not recommending it to you now. No, no — stop writing that Aesop’s fable. Seriously.)
So, with that in mind, here are a couple of quick tips to help you get over the hump of abject misery, and back into the general malaise that is life as we know it.
- Forget all about making it better: And forget about forgetting about him. There’s just no chance of that. If you could do that, I’m assuming you wouldn’t have written to a relationship advice person on the interweb. Ergo, you can’t forget about how lousy things are. So don’t even imagine that you SHOULD be able to. No one ever can.
- Cut yourself massive amounts of slack. It takes everyone WAY longer than they think it should to get over someone. Like, you know how long it is from the end of a season of “Lost” until when they start it up again? That’s nothing compared to this. Getting over a relationship is pretty much the hardest thing ever (there’s a reason why country music and alcohol are as popular as they are) so give yourself a break.
- Have a “NEVER DO THIS” list handy. Think of all the things you’re not allowed to do, and put them in writing where you can see them. Drunk calling, emailing, writing Aesop’s fables, whatever your personal danger zones are. Keep them with you, so if you’re considering doing something that you KNOW is retarded, you can refer to the list and go, “Oh yeah. When I make a paste and macaroni mural of our first date and mail it to him, I end up locking myself in the belltower of a church with a sniper rifle. Check. Great. That’s a big 10-4.
- When you inevitably break #3, refer to #2. Let’s face it. You’re going to do those things. That’s why you wrote them down in the first place. There’s no chance you’re going to actually succeed in not doing them. So chill out. We’re looking for progress here, not 100% success (which is impossible, so why bother?) Consider, “Hey I didn’t do EVERY ONE of them on my list TODAY,” as a victory.
- Be miserable. Theoretically, this is the easiest one, of course. Unfortunately, we are constantly telling ourselves how we are not only miserable bastards, but we should be able to be OVER being miserable bastards by now. But clearly you still ARE a miserable bastard. So just be as miserable (and bastardy) as you are. Again, this should be easy, since you already are as miserable as you are — convenient! So say, “Ok, I’m going to be as miserable as possible. I’m going to lie down under my bed, listen to the saddest music I own, and eat doughnuts until the actual Mr. Entennman calls me and requests that I slow down a little.”
- BONUS TIP: Don’t write a fable with animals and a moral. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.
Helpful? Who knows? But seriously, this is maybe the least deal-with-able thing in life (and for everyone, not just you, I promise). No one handles it with much grace. But in my vast, vast experience with being heartbroken, devastated and lonely, it’s only after I’ve really given up on trying to NOT be miserable that things start to get more manageable. Not much, but a little.
Good luck, Can’t Let Go. It’s really going to suck. Be as nice to yourself as you can manage. Eventually it’s going to suck a little better. And one day, you’ll wake up and be only as miserable as we all are on a normal, average day. Yay!
Anybody have any good “Get over him” tips? Comment away and help our e-pal get back to consumer-grade, garden variety ennui!
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