Romantic Interest or Friendliness of a Coworker?
How to tell what’s going on with a dude at work when you don’t want anyone to spot you? Jill’s been out of circulation for a while, but she thinks there might be a little somp’n-somp’n going on with her co-worker. Setting aside any recommendations about pens and dipping them into company ink (and other disgusting or at least bizarre sayings) let’s see what we can do here:
Hi,
I’m a forty-something who is trying to get back into dating after a disastrous relationship of 22 months. I have taken 7 months to heal and come to terms with the fact that he was abusive.
Well, that is long enough to be in the relationship penalty box, Jill. Let’s get you the eff OUT there, shall we?
My question is: Recently at work, someone has begun to say hi, he covered my hand twice with his during a comment that he was worried that he had offended me. (He hadn’t- if he had I wouldn’t have still been standing there!) Along with a couple of other gestures.
That all sounds like a pretty good indicator of at least SOME level of interest. We’ll have to get a little more info to get definitive, though. (FYI: For the “other gestures” I’m picturing putting his thumbs on the sides of his head and splaying his fingers out like moose antlers, and doing that thing where you make goggles out of two upside-down ‘OK’ signs”.)
My question is this: Due to his profession, he is considerate and empathetic, so how do I know if he is interested, or this is professional courtesy/ friendliness to a co-worker?
He was aware that I was in a relationship until December. We never really interacted like this until about a month ago. Since then, we say hi to each other, smile at each other, and have laughed and joked also.
Ah. Interesting timing, that. He knew you were in a relationship, but no contact. A few months later, suddenly he’s all chitty-chatty, handy-covery, moosey-antlery. Another potentially good sign there.
I don’t feel that I can approach him at work to ask personal questions due to the fact that the walls have eyes and ears all over, and I believe that my personal life is private. I have an idea that there is interest there, I prefer to not have others speculate however.
Suggestions and comments would be welcome to help me choose an appropriate path.
Many thanks.
Jill
Dear Jill,
Well, first of all, congratulations for working your way out of Mr. Abusive’s clutches, and moving into a position to start dating again. Never a comfy/cozy transition, so kudos for getting the nookie wagon rolling again.
So, onto your possible new thang:
HOW TO TELL IF HE’S INTERESTED WITHOUT ASKING
I have to tell you, this is going to be really, really tough to do. Seems like you are very reluctant to let your coworkers see you work your mojo, or reveal anything about how you feel. And hey, let’s assume he feels the same way for the sake of argument. Well, if neither of you wants to let any of your coworkers see what’s going on, er, how are you going to let each OTHER know?
Here are a couple thoughts:
- GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!: Is there any situation in which you two might find yourself in an area of the office where prying eyes and ears might not go? Some area of the office where the two of you might, you know, just happen to occasionally find yourselves? I’m not talking about throwing him into a broomcloset and asking for his intentions (though, uh, that’d probably move things along.) I’m just saying, maybe there is some way to have tiny, slightly more personal conversations throughout the day. Just to start to open that door, and casually so that nobody has to go out TOO far onto a limb.
- TAKE IT OUTSIDE: If there is no privacy to be had in the office, a bolder move might be to ask him to lunch one day. Or even just for coffee. Again, casual. Just along the lines of, “I was thinking of going over to T.G.I.OfficeRomance’s — you hungry?” Ok, more casual than that, but you get what I’m saying.
- SAFETY IN NUMBERS: Do you have any office accomplices? Someone with whom you might be able to plot some kind of group outing in the off hours of work? Any guy who is a.) interested in a woman and b.) aware she’s going to be someplace, is going to try his damnedest to be at such an event. And hopefully to take advantage of it to speak to her.
- GET ALL ELECTRONICAL: Do you have occasion to email this guy for work reasons? Can you concoct such occasions? If you can, many office romances have started with some fun, jokey, semi-flirty emails of the kind that no matter WHO read them, they’re not inappropriate. Just fun, just to let him know that you like talking with him, and for reasons unrelated to the 2009 fiscal budget report.
VERDICT: DROP ANVIL-SIZED HINTS
Look, all of the above are basically about hint-dropping. What you’re looking to do is the equivalent of the olde tyme “woman drops a hankee” deal where she’d give the guy a way in. “Oh, did you drop this?” “Why yes, Sir StaplesALot, I did.” The bottom line is, you don’t know if he’s interested. Well, I guarantee you that if he IS interested, he’s looking for hints that YOU are. The key is to find hints and ways to drop ‘em so that he can see ‘em.
The main thing here, Jill, is that you want to let him know (in an office-appropriate way, of course) that you like chatting with him. You don’t have to jump on your desk and sing a song about it (unless you really want to make my day.) You want him to feel that he is welcome to chat with you some more. Ideally, he will become so emboldened by this that he’ll want to chat so much that you have to do so out on some sort of a “date” to avoid talking so much on the job that you “both get fired.”
Good luck, Jill. The way to tell is to give him the green light. Let him know by your actions that you like having him around. If he’s interested, he’s likely already on the hunt for such hints. A little encouragement should do it.
What do you say, miladies? How do YOU tell when a guy is interested at work?
If you liked that, you might also like...
Комментарии
Отправить комментарий