She said she loved him, he said…NOTHING

So, what happens when you drop the big “L” bomb…and you don’t get it flung back to you? Ouch, is what. But is that all there is to say? Is it automatic bad news? Not so sure about that. Let’s take a look at all the facts before we curl up into an awkward little ball…

Hi Jeff,

My story won’t be any weird to you as I am sure you have heard/seen it all.
My name is Laura, I am Spanish and work for a Spanish construction company in Ireland.
There is where I met “him”, he works in the same office as I do, he is my direct boss and we have been together for three months now, and we live in the same house. The reason we moved in together so quickly is because he came from Spain with a contract stating that his accommodation would be paid for during his stay in Ireland, and he got a four bedroom house and so I could save money we had a chat and thought moving in together would be a good idea.

MANSLATOR’S NOTE: Just FYI, in my experience, finances and/or convenience are rarely an awesome reason to move in together. I’ve just seen it get awkward too many times with pals o’ mine. Seems to thrust the decision making into a place beyond where you’re both at emotionally.

We will be living here until the road is done, which will be 2010. He has said many times that he wants me to move around with him wherever he is sent which I have no problem doing, I will be glad. He’s kind, really cares about me, brings me breakfast to bed, calls me beautiful, stares at me, brings me for lunch/dinner, we do a lot together, visit other places in ireland, he likes to hug me and hold my hand or caress my hair…

All of these are great signs. It seems to speak not only of desire, but of genuine affection. We’re good so far…

But, two days ago, we were on our lunchbreak at home, and we went for a nap afterwards, and it felt so right, i said I love you, (it just came out).

His reaction is what i don’t really understand.

Laura- I love you
Him- (With a happy/surprised face) For real?
Laura- Yes, for real.

He smiled and kept kissing me for ages.

BUT, he did not say, me too, or i love you too.

Why do you think this is? should i worry? should i ask him?I have been behaving as usual, nothing has changed, we are happy like always.So, whats his deal with not telling me i love you back, maybe he does not?? but i think he does…anyways, if you can think of anything, let me know, i will appreciate it.

Bye!

Dear Laura,

While not hearing “I love you” back when you say it is obviously not ideal, it’s not necessarily a sign that he doesn’t feel it. There could be a couple of reasons for him not saying it:

WHY NO L-WORD?

• CAN’T TAKE IT BACK. I know guys who have a REALLY hard time saying that just because it’s so final, so definitive, so impossible to take it back — they want to be very sure they mean it before they say it.
• LOVE…WHAT IS THAT ONE AGAIN? I know there are some guys — especially young guys — who just don’t think they know what love IS yet, as in, he doesn’t know that what he’s feeling is called “love” and so he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to say it, or what. Remember, for a lot of guys the “feelings to words conversion” can be a little rusty.
• WORST CASE SCENARIO: Now, all that having been said, yes, it could be that he’s not sure he feels the same way. He could look at saying “I love you” as a step toward making a lifelong commitment to you, and he might not be sure he’s ready to do that. (Yes, some guys do think that way. And some are just afraid that YOU think that way.) And the fact that he kissed you like crazy afterwards, while wonderful I’m sure, might have been a way to cover the fact that he KNEW he wasn’t saying that he loves you too. It’s not the vibe I’m getting, but it is possible.

SAY LOVE OR DO LOVE?

The key here, as always, is the behavior. Whether or not he’s saying Love, is he BEHAVING with love? Is he treating you the way that you want to be treated? It sounds like he is, but you’re the one who has to decide that.

It’s a tough situation — you definitely don’t want to PUSH him to say it if you’re not sure he means it. Because if you do that, well, he likely WILL say it, no matter what he feels. (I mean, that’s what I’ve heard…I’ve never met anyone who would DO such a thing. Heh…gulp.)

If it’s really bothering you, and he still hasn’t said it, there’s no law against saying something like, “You know, there’s something that’s been on my mind. When I told you that I loved you, you didn’t say it back. I don’t want you to say it if you don’t mean it, but I would like to know what was going on there?” Just be aware that this will start a point-of-no-return conversation, one way or the other.

Good luck, Laura. And again, thanks for the question.

What do you say, ladies? Is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that he’s feelin’?

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