Learning About Love… From Our Four-Legged Friends

сентября 11, 2020

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.

-Samuel Butler

My family had a sad day yesterday. We had to put down our beloved 8 year old beagle, Duke, who was suffering from lymphoma. Putting him down was one of the most surreal and emotional experiences my family has ever gone through and I thought it would be fitting to write today about what I learned from him on the subject of love.

Humans are very different from other species in the animal kingdom. We create emotional walls, at times we hurt one another for our own selfish gain, and we often love with strings attached and conditions. Especially, when we are in romantic relationships. Often times, people in relationships keep tally of who did what for whom, like an unhealthy emotional checklist.

Duke was never looking for conditions or reasons to love. He was love. When I broke up with a serious boyfriend, he felt my sadness and my tears and crawled quietly on my lap to be with me. No questions asked, no expectations, just knew I was sad and sat with me, while I pet him. When my mom was sick, our normally rambunctious dog sensed what she was going through and lay quietly at her feet, never jumping on her or barking at her. He was intuitive, loving and sweet. We can all learn a lot about love from our beloved pets.

What is love? Books have been written on this subject since the beginning of time. Poetry, music, film, television, every form of media is dedicated to this universal experience and emotion. I guess this question is much too large to answer in one little article, but if we pull from our animal friends, we can come up with an excellent definition of this very abstract concept.

Love: The ability to give to another without expectation. The moment where you decide that sacrifice is necessary to ensure another’s happiness, without thought of your own. Selfless and limitless.

When you come home from a rough day, there is someone there to greet you with a wagging tail, with a friendly bark, with a slobbery kiss. They live to love you. They live in the moment. Animals remind us to stop and take a moment to just be. There is no agenda. No fear of rejection. Openly and willingly, they love.

So, how can we apply what our four-legged friends effortlessly know how to do to our own lives and relationships?

First, we must become better listeners. No one listens like a pet. You can sit with your furry friend and tell them all the trials and tribulations of your day and what do they do? They lick you, nuzzle you, comfort you. Now, I’m not suggesting you need to lick and nuzzle (although your lover may enjoy it!) but I am suggesting that we all need to take a deep breath and allow our lovers to just express themselves. Communication is the key to a happy and thriving relationship. If you just remain silent for a few minutes, let them express their needs and wants, you will find a comfort in that silence, a joy in knowing that you really took in what the other person was saying, and that you can then respond with a knowing heart because you dared to listen.

Secondly, we must learn that love means loyalty. There is a certain degree of frenetic energy that comes with dating in the modern world. We are so quick to push people out for the smallest reason. From the way they dress to what car they drive, we are always looking for an excuse to dump and move on to the next “bigger, better deal.” Our animal friends don’t do this. They don’t judge us on whether or not we have had a bad hair day. They stick around through thick and thin. We need to understand that being in a relationship is about building something with someone. It’s about being there for that person, having a kinship with that person, standing by that person. In this modern age, when our attention span is shrinking to that of a twitter feed, we could stand to rethink what our definition of “loyal” means. It isn’t always about how many notches in our proverbial belt we can accumulate. It’s about what those relationships mean and what they created.

Thirdly, we can all stand to be a bit less selfish and a bit more selfless. Guess what? It ISN’T all about us. Animals have the keen ability to thrive and survive without hoarding too much and without taking more than they need. There is a bigger picture out there. Sometimes, relationships really are about compromise and give and take. Sometimes, you don’t get what you want. Sometimes, you have to deal with putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own. And, guess what? If we are in a relationship where both people give more than they take, there would be a perfect balance, because, without a doubt, the needs of both would be fulfilled through the selfless love of the other.

So, the next time you see someone walking their dog, or petting their cat, or feeding their fish, think about how we fit into the big scheme of the animal kingdom. They have been on this earth much longer than we have, and while it may seem strange to think about love through an animal’s eyes, I can’t think of a better way to start healing our own relationships with one another, then by pulling from the wisdom of those beloved creatures around us.