A Guide of How to LOVE

Lately, I have been on this journey and wanting to write about the topic Love. How to define it? What does it feel like? and today I will focus on "How to Love". Why this topic has been such top of mind for me is because of two reasons. One, we are approaching "Love Month". It’s a hallmark holiday where we are flooded with commercials and products; chocolate hearts with red and pink valentines. I guess I like to see February as a whole month of celebrating Love, instead of just one day, Valentines Day. Two, its been a long time since I have "been in love" with someone and I am investigating what that actually means to then know if I truly am "in love" at the moment. So hence my journey…

In my research I found this simple guide of "How to Love". The points in this guide may be obvious, but I also think they are a very good reminder that everyone may need.

STEPS:

1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn’t mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don’t make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.
6. Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love.

While he sometimes likes and comments on other people’s posts in general, (including mine or his son’s), it’s somewhat random and certainly not *every single picture*.  What’s even more disconcerting is that this non-stop ‘liking’ continues until one of two things seem to happen; 1.  He eventually stops when a particular woman isn’t reciprocating, (probably clearly seeing on Instagram that he has a girlfriend), or 2. You can see by her posts that the woman he’s ‘liking’ has found a new relationship with someone else.  This last situation was this past week; he liked this woman’s posts non-stop for the last year until the absolute very picture of her and her new boyfriend went up, and now there hasn’t been a single ‘like’ since, (some 20 pictures later).

To me, what his behavior suggests is that he’s fishing, either for attention or to gauge these woman’s potential interest in him, (if any).  He’s attempting to tell them, ‘I watch every single thing you do and I want you to know it’.

I haven’t brought this up to him, mostly due to the ‘plausible deniability’ of the situation.  While I truly believe Brian wouldn’t cheat, I find this behavior immature at best, and pretty shady at worst, especially for someone his age in an exclusive relationship.  I feel it’s hurtful and disrespectful to me….and I’d sure love to get some perspective from folks on this.  Trust is everything and at my age I really don’t want to have to deal with this kind of monkey business, so I’m thinking of ending it.