To name or not to name, that is the question

I recently met a Harlem woman who refers to the men she’s seeing by where they are from and not their names. There’s “New York Guy,  and “Sioux falls Hookup.” I found it a little odd. When I asked her why she doesn’t use their names, she simply said, “Until there’s a ring, they are nameless.”

I think that’s a bit extreme, but it’s her rules of engagement, no pun intended. Another friend in the group agreed saying it was a bit materialistic. She suggested the guy remain nameless until they are in a committed, monogamous relationship. Hhm… the group pondered. So, there’s “Airplane Guy” and “Crack Cocaine Guy,” another friend added. It became an entertaining conversation as everyone started thinking what noun best fit the men they were dating.

We each have dating”rules” that we follow even if unspoken or subconscious. For example, there’s my friend who bestows the title of “boyfriend” on the guy who meets her 3 point criteria:

1. They must see each other at least three times a week
2. They have an unspoken date every Saturday
3. They’ve seen each other consistently and exclusively for 3 months

When she shared these rules with me, she had been dating a guy named Bob for about a month. I referred to Bob as her boyfriend and she corrected me. Bob soon became her boyfriend and he’s now her husband.

Speaking of rules, have you read “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider? The book provides a plethora of rules for finding Mr. Right. There’s been good and bad feedback on this book…some say these rules are manipulative. It’s been about 8 years since I read the book, and the one rule that all my friends and I remember is: A guy must call you no later than Wednesday for a date on the weekend. If he calls after Wednesday, you are busy. “Rules” women are not sitting around waiting for a date, they are living active lives.

There is something to be said for being too available

Rules are boundaries and they are empowering. I think if a a guy is truly interested in a long term relationship with you, the boundaries you set won’t be a problem.