Making the Space for Love

A couple months ago, I was invited to participate in a book club. Five women in total comprised the group, all single, smart, and successful women. The book we decided to read is Calling in “The One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

San Diego backpage

San Jose backpage

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Beverly Hills backpage

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First, I must say, I dislike the title. It sounds like a séance and it sounds like I’m desperately seeking something intangible. I dislike it so much, I created a book jacket to cover the title.

Irvine backpage

Contrary to what most people think when reading the title, this is not a how-to book on finding the one. It’s about attracting the love of your life by exploring who you are and want for love in your life. Don’t let the title keep you from reading this book.

The book is structured into 7 weeks with lesson/practice plans to be completed with each chapter. It’s suggested that you go through the book with a group of friends. It gets intense at times and it’s nice to be with friends for support and understanding.

We’ve made our book club meetings a feast for the mind and body. We gather at a park bringing food to share. A picnic with good friends, good food and great conversations around a good book is a really nice combination. We all look forward to gathering on a weekly basis.

Each chapter thus far has either touched on opening your heart, purging or a combination of both. Week one is called “Preparing for Love. One of the chapters that resonated with me is titled “Making the Space for Love”.

Look around your home, is there room for another person? Even if your home is too small for two people, it is important to have room for this person where you are right now, if even symbolically.The best room to begin with is the bedroom. Your bedroom is a place for rest and intimacy.

Below are some suggestions for making space for love in your bedroom:

1. Make sure your bed sleeps two comfortably with access from both sides of the bed.
2. Don’t let your bedroom also be your office or your home gym. If you have no choice, put up a partition.
3. Remove relics of family, childhood, past relationships or college degrees. No stuffed animals, family photos, etc.
4. Place pairs of items (two candlesticks or two pillows for example) in your decor. In feng shui, using pairs of items accentuates the possibility of romantic partnership and it also encourages one to reflect both the male and female aspects of a relationship in the environment.
5. Balance the yin and yang (male and female) in your decor by having a mix of female and male decor. Get rid of the floral bedspread or the Redskin’s poster.
6. Place a nightstand on each side of the bed.
7. Empty a drawer for their things.
8. Create space in your closet for their stuff.

In addition to changing your physical environment, make time in your schedule to let new people in.

We’re all crazy busy, too much to do too little time. How can we expect to meet anyone if we keep 1) our old routines and 2) not make room in our schedules to meet new people? When we are on autopilot, the world revolves around us. We don’t see what’s in front of us.

The practice for this chapter is:

Make a list of at least five things you could alter in your home to create a more welcoming environment for an intimate partner. Add to that one or two things you could do to alter your schedule so that there is some breathing room in your life to explore new relationships.

This chapter is a purging chapter and it will feel good, trust me. The five things I changed are:

1. Moved my queen bed to the center of the room and purchased a second nightstand. Bonus: also made the room cozier.
2. Created space in my closet for his stuff by removing clothing I no longer wore. Bonus: gave my clothes to a someone who would wear them.
3. Emptied one of two medicine cabinets and lower storage cabinets in my bathroom. Bonus: this forced me to see how many toiletries I have and how many I had to throw away since they had expired.
4. Made room in my coat closet for his coats.  Bonus: got rid of all the grocery bags stored inside.
5. Asked my friends to review my home. Is it cozy, warm and inviting? “Not so much,” they said. So I added warm gold tones in pillows, artwork, and flowers. Bonus: a close friend gave me the pillows for my couch that were sitting in her closet.

It felt good to go through this process. I got rid of stuff I didn’t need plus made space for another person in my life and home.

Since I started reading this book, I have seen some changes in my love life. I’ve gone to more social events that are not industry related (so easy to talk to people I know). I’ve dated two nice guys (one 10 years younger and one who shared my passion for invention and entrepreneurship) who I met at these events. Neither is “the one”, but I can see how this new practice has made me open to meeting the one.

Going back to something I mentioned earlier, about how I disliked the title of the book…”I don’t like the title because it sounds like I’m desperately seeking something intangible.” “Something intangible” is a reflection of me, not the book title. For me, finding the one is like climbing El Capitan, a vertical wall of solid rock. I’m slowly working on changing my thinking and this book is helping me do so.

I’ll continue to share my experiences as I complete this book. My next blog will explore the chapter “Letting Go of the Past”. I thought I had zero resentments, but realized I had more than a couple!