Leading a Double Life — How to Come Clean??
Well, well, well. Someone’s pants are on FIRE. Whose? None other than frequent commenter and requester, Loiralei. Through deviousness and deceit, our lass has gotten herself into a really weird situation.
Well, have no fear, L. I’m a really weird guy from Kazan.
Loiralei writes:
O.K. This time I’ve got myself in a real pickle. After my last breakup I decided to try a internet dating site free. Just for fun I created a silly, sexy profile with no picture as an experiment to get my feet wet, not sure of what I’d find and basically to see what was out there.There were alot of responses mostly guys whose pictures looked like they were on the “Most Wanted List”. There was one guy I was attracted to, he was a member and we e-mailed back and forth for about a week. He gave me his ph # and asked me to call him and when I told him I didn’t call men first, he asked for my ph #. Feeling rushed, and not sure I was even ready to SEE anyone again yet, I gave it to him anyway and gave him a false first name. During the next 2 wks he did call, left 3 messages and his return ph # to call back if I wanted too. I didn’t because I still felt rushed.In the meantime I created another different profile on the same dating site and he started corresponding to THAT girl (who is really me) and I told him my real name this time. Same thing happened, after a week or so he gave me his phone # (which I already had) and I couldn’t give him mine (because he already had it - under a different girls name). Buying myself some more time I told him in e-mail on the dating site that I had to go back East for 3 wks for a funeral and that I’d call him when I returned. Its now been 6 wks and he is no longer a member but still on the dating site so I can’t correspond with him anymore and I would have to actually call him. But my caller I.D. would show the first girls ph #. I would like to ask him to meet for coffee no strings, no expectations just to meet. I will have to call him on a pay ph or something so he can’t trace it. Oh what a web of lies we weave! I know this is sounding like a romantic comedy (maybe I should sell it to Hollywood or maybe they have already done this).But my question (at last) is how do I tell him when we meet (if I like him and want it to go further) that I am both girls so I can give him my real ph #? And that I’m really not a psycho liar I’m really a nice girl! (Ha)! I was just playing in the beginning and now I would like to really get to know this person but it started off so bad. How would I go about this in a way that wouldn‘t scramble a man’s mind. (I know they are so delicate)!
Dear Loiralei,
Well, well, well. Congratulations. I’ve consulted with some of the guys, and we’ve decided to vote you in as an Honorary Man. (You’ll receive your membership card and honorary penis in 6 to 8 weeks.) Such a tangled web we weave, indeed. Ok, so, it seems to me that what you actually DID wasn’t totally crazy. A little evasive, sure, but you know that. The important thing is that it wasn’t total crazy trainwreck territory. Which is nice for a start.
WHAT YOU DON’T WANT
Ok, given that you’re not a nutjob, your goal here is to avoid giving him the impression that you are:
- Neurotic More-Trouble-Than-She’s-Worth Lady
- Damaged, Paranoid, Bundle of Suspicion Lady
SOLUTION? MAKE HIM LAUGH
Lest you overlook this fact — this situation? Hilarious. It’s ridiculous, right? Nothing wrong with saying, “Ok, I did something really dopey and I need to come clean about it. Like, it’s so spectacularly silly that if I didn’t HAVE to tell you, I’d take this puppy to the grave with me. Ok, here’s what happened.”
And then tell him the funny story. Because it IS one. If you can find the humor in it, so will he. You know you weren’t trying to hurt him by creating a dual personality. You just chickened out and you went into a totally “Three’s Company” level spiral of unnecessary lies. The kind where you go, “Jack, dude, just friggin’ tell Mr. Roper that she’s not your cousin Inga from Sweden, ok? It’ll be so much easier.”
Good Luck, Loiralei! Get out of this pickle. Pickles are no kind of place to spend your time. You’re not screwed here. This could be a great way for the two of you to get to know each other. And one day, you’ll be out on the porch, sippin’ lemonade, and saying, “Remember that time when I flirted with you as two different people?” and he’ll say, “Nope,” because he’s 111 years old and senile. And mildly incontinent. You’ll change his diaper and…
I mean, I don’t know how it will go, but the point is that you’ll be fine. And if he’s genuinely freaked out by this, well, he’s got his OWN issues.
Ladies? Ever outsmart yourself with trickery and have to come clean? How’d you do it?
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