What do men fantasize about? What’s “cool”?
A reader named Scarlett wants to know about male fantasies. What do we think about? What makes for a fantasy girl? Read on to find out…
What do men consider a “cool” girl? What qualities are the MOST important in the one they really want to be with long term? What do men consider a fantasy girl? Is it one and the same? Or is the fantasy girl just that - a fantasy?
Dear Scarlett,
You ask several good questions, and I’ll address them one at a time, because…well…I don’t have to explain that, do I? One at a time, that’s how you do things.
WHAT DO MEN CONSIDER A “COOL” GIRL?
Depends on the man, depends on the girl. “Cool” can mean anything. To a nerd, a “cool” girl would be one who could whip his ass at Halo 3. To an S&M guy, a “cool” girl would skip the Halo 3 and just whip his ass. Different strokes for different folks. But there are a couple of common themes that I’ve heard fairly often:
- MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A MAN: Most men want to be with someone who reflects back the best parts of them, not one who is constantly judging them, belittling them, making them feel like less than they are. (Unless he’s the S&M guy above, in which case maybe he wants to meet someone who makes him feel like less than he’s ever felt before, I guess?)
- LOW MAINTENANCE: I guess this isn’t true of everyone, but many men I know have reported dislike of the woman who makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. A “cool” girl in this situation is the one who doesn’t require you to choose your words carefully, one who is forgiving when we’re, you know, US. Basically, someone that doesn’t feel like a chore to be around. (I used to date a woman who I later nicknamed, “So, what’s that supposed to mean?” after her favorite phrase. Excuse me, I just threw up a little remembering that relationship.)
- PUT HIM AT EASE…SORT OF: A lot of men do like to feel like there’s some danger in the air, for lack of a better word. Some unpredictability. But not if it means that you feel like you’re constantly in danger of, you know, being mistreated. That kind of danger, we can do without (and so can anyone, I guess. Well…except for our S&M friend who I’m guessing doesn’t want to feel like he’s constantly NOT in danger of being mistreated. Complex.)
QUALITIES MOST IMPORTANT FOR A LONG-TERM WOMAN
http://ysraarogyasri.ap.gov.in/web/okcupid/home/-/blogs/y-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do-
This one…I mean, there’s just no answer. It would be like asking me what are the qualities of a man’s favorite food. This one is all over the place. And a good thing, too. I mean…if there were set guidelines for this for ALL men, any women who didn’t fit them would be screwed, right?
WHAT DO MEN CONSIDER A FANTASY GIRL, or Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here…
If by “fantasy girl” you mean “girl about whom we fantasize”? Oh wow. There’s no great way to put this so that you’ll understand it since, I am told, that men and women fantasize very differently. Men have fantasies about everyone. Not everyone hot. Not everyone with perfect bodies. Not everyone who is our “type.” Everyone. Seriously. But as you can imagine our fantasies aren’t very linear or logical.
So when a man “fantasizes,” it’s not a story. And we don’t always dwell on the same woman for very long. As I’ve said before, if you want to understand the male fantasy system just imagine a meth-addicted chipmunk flipping through 800 channels of homemade porn starring every woman that ever entered his mind, even for a second. Sex fantasies don’t mean very much to us. It’s just our brain filing stuff where it belongs. “Ok, I’ve pictured sex with everyone, right? Wait, have I pictured her? Ok, got it. Move on.”
Now, if by “fantasy girl” you mean “girl we fantasize about being in a relationship with” that is a combination of ALL of the above. As in, the “cool girl” stuff, the sexual stuff, all of it.
YOUR JOB? FIND THE GUY FOR WHOM THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS IS “YOU.”
That’s what I’m saying, I guess. There’s no template. I mean, there are body types and behaviors that seem to trip more men’s triggers than others, I suppose. But that doesn’t really help YOU because if you’re IT, then you don’t have to do anything. And if you’re NOT it, what are you going to do, change? Give me a break, right? Not only is that nearly impossible, it’s not even DESIRABLE.
You don’t want the answers to these questions. The question YOU want answered is, “Where’s the guy that thinks that YOU are the cool girl, the fantasy girl, all of that?” Now, if I could answer THAT, there would be so much money in this room right now I wouldn’t be able to wade through it to reach the keyboard to type. But what I CAN tell you is that if you can really believe that there’s SOME guy out there who thinks that way about you, specifically (and there always is)…well, then you don’t have to waste all that time trying to figure out what this guy or that guy wants. You can just be YOU, and be looking for the guy who loves that. Much, much easier.
What say you manslatees? Any info on what men think is cool? Fantastical? Both?
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