What About When HE Brings Up Marriage Too Soon?
Here’s a new one. Lynne is wondering what’s going on when a guy asks if you want to get married…in the future? Like…ever? I guess that’s the question. And TWO younger guys have asked virtually the same thing recently. What gives? Oh, I’ll TELL you what gives, people. But first, Lynne’s question:
What does it mean/how to respond when a man asks you if you want to get married in the future (quite early on in dating)? I have had two, admittedly younger, men ask me this recently and I didn’t quite know how to handle it. I would like to, in the future, with the right person… but. I am in my early 30s. Thanks!
http://snnptnt.danang.gov.vn/web/okcupid/home/-/blogs/y-tuong-moi-quan-he-%C4%91uong-dai-tao-ket-noi
Dear Lynne,
Let’s take the second part first: How to respond? Methinks that what you just told ME is perfectly fine. As in, “Well, sure, I’d like to at some point in the future, when the situation’s right.” Nothing wrong with that.
I’d say what you might not want to do is to jump out of your seat, start crying tears of joy, and saying, “I ACCEPT!!!” Might be overkill.
What makes me crack up a little about this one is that usually it’s men who are wondering how to deal with insanely loaded questions from women. So, Lynne, welcome to OUR world, ha. But onto the more complex question:
WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT, JEFFIE?
In other, non-Alfie related terms, what does it MEAN when he asks that? Well, it seems to me that there are only a few possibilities, and really it comes down to this. Either:
- …he wants to gauge where YOU’RE at with marriage. Why might he do this? Well, some women in their early 30s are maybe not quite so, “Eh, maybe someday” about marriage as you are. If these guys are younger, it could be that they might assume that the clock is ticking for you, and they’re attempting to suss out just how cuckoo for cocoapuffs you are about getting married, like, yesterday.
- …he wants to see if you’re where HE’s at with marriage. I suppose it’s possible that these guys have designs on getting married sooner rather than later, and are just fishing around to see if you’re with them on that.
It’s hard to say which without knowing more about their behavior before, during, and after the question. I’d say that, in general, the first option is more likely than the second. Especially given that it’s happened twice in a row. But who knows? In fact, there could be a third option:
- …he’s just making conversation, and doesn’t realize how loaded this question is. Yeah, sadly enough, that could absolutely be it. A guy who asks this might just not know that you don’t just ask this of someone who you’re on a date with.
HOW TO RESPOND PART DEUX
I think the main thing in responding is not to try to read into this, because you just don’t know how. There IS no way to do that. If it were me, I’d probably make some flirty little joke along the lines of, “You mean, like, later tonight…or….?” or, I don’t know, maybe, “Why, who wants to know?” Just to acknowledge that:
- This is a ridiculously big question to be throwing out there in this situation.
- You’re not taking it too seriously.
- You’re not bolting from the table in terror.
- Let’s keep it light and have fun with it, either way.
This way, you two can joke around a little — and in the process, he’ll likely feel compelled to say, “No, no, what I MEAN is…” and then he’ll tell you exactly what he meant.
Good luck, Lynne!
Ever get this question, ladies? What do you think it means, and how did you respond?
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