5 Strategies For Building Confidence

One can never achieve Man-eater status without a healthy dose of self-confidence- my mantra, words to live by. I ooze confidence when it comes to dating and other areas of my life, but it wasn’t always this way. Transitions in life can jolt our confidence in certain areas, leaving us unsure, and in what seems like unfamiliar territory. We may have gone through a bad break up or divorce, had a child as a single woman, and then find ourselves in a place where we are unsure, or vulnerable. We all have to get our footing back sometimes and that is okay. But how can we do that? I’ve come up with 5 practical, tangible strategies for building confidence.

1. Practice

Practice makes perfect. The more you practice the other four strategies, the more confidence you will build. Make confidence-building a habit. Think about it when you are in social settings where you lack confidence and even when you are feeling the most confident, become conscience of it at all times, and note the times when you are successful at any of the other strategies. Give yourself lots of “pats on the back” it’s okay, if you don’t who will?

2. Behave “As If”
Ask yourself, at an uncomfortable or awkward moment (Like a first date, or in front of a man you find attractive) , “How would I behave if I felt confident?” “How would so and so(insert maneater) handle themselves in this situation?”. Adopt the behavior of confidence- the posture, the actions, the thoughts- and you’ll be on your way to becoming confident.

3. Make The Most Of Your Mistakes And Then Ignore Them
The biggest mistake that unconfident people make is thinking that their mistakes matter. What does matter is what you learn from your mistake, if anything at all. You probably in your lifetime will never be able to make a mistake that someone has not made before you. Mistakes are a source of information. Everyone gets embarrassed, says the wrong thing at the wrong time-it happens, learn from them, move on, and get down to the business at hand.

4. Limit The Self-Blame
Kicking yourself for past inadequacies, failed relationships, bad choices in men, etc is useless and will only hinder you in developing confidence. All blame is a waste of time, and you will never be successful as long as you continue to blame yourself and others. Take the position that you have the power to get it right and live in the present.

5. Be Kind To Yourself
Being kind to yourself is underrated in our society. We a taught to be selfless, giving,and considerate, think of others before yourself, and if you don’t you are selfish. Untrue. If you do not truly love yourself first, you can never fully give love to another human being. When you are in a relationship with someone, you go will go to the edge of the world and backl just to make them happy, but will you extend to yourself the same sentiment? Most of the time the answer is no. We are afraid of being considered selfish. Treat yourself, show yourself love, take care of your body and your health. Confident people love themselves, it’s as simple as that.

There aren’t any nice guys in this city.”
“All the good ones are taken.”
“I’m never going to find anyone.”
Have you ever recited any of these doomsday dating statements? Or have you heard your girlfriends say things like that?
I did. I heard my girlfriends say things like, “It’s so hard to meet people.” “We’re never going to meet anyone here.” The whining went on and on. Like what we were really in search of was the key to world peace, not a date.
It was exhausting. And one night, while we were out for cocktails and they were running the same old script, I challenged them.
“It’s not that hard to meet guys,” I said.
“Well, it’s not hard for you. You always talk to guys,” one BFF said.
“Right. Just walk up to them and say ‘hi’,” I said.
“I can’t do that,” they all said at once, like I was asking them to streak through the bar or something.
“What if I dared you?” I asked.
“Huh?” They stared at me.
I pointed at a guy in a baseball cap at the far end of the bar.
“What if I dared you to go and talk to that guy?”
All four of them turned and looked. The guy shifted on his barstool and pulled down his cap.
“I don’t know,” they mumbled and gulped more wine.
“Okay, what if we had a contest? Awarded some kind of prize to the winner?” You could have seen the light bulb flashing over my head at that “ah ha” moment. I began scribbling rules and points on the placemat.

For the next 10 weeks, we competed against each other to earn the most points by dating. One point for a number exchange, two when we received a text, three for a call, six for a date and an extra point for the touchdown when he called to say how amazing the date was.

Simple, right?
It is simple once you get out of your head. Once you realize that approaching someone and saying, “Hi” is not the equivalent of getting down on one knee and proposing, dating is pretty easy. Once you realize that a date is just a couple hours hanging out with someone new and not a lifetime commitment, the fear fades.

As soon as we stop convincing ourselves of all the reasons why we can’t date, we realize we can. So instead of looking at your love-life as an impossibility or insurmountable project, take it one step at a time. Start with, “Hello.”

While running your daily errands, take note of how you interact with people. When you shop for groceries, are you laser focused on produce or do you make eye contact with other shoppers? As you wait in line for morning coffee, do you check emails on your phone or do you greet the person next to you in line?
While you walk, do you look at the ground or at the people coming towards you? Do you smile at strangers?

Take note of how you naturally do or don’t interact with people. Then make it a point to increase your interactions. If you naturally focus on the sidewalk, keep your head up as you walk to work. Smile at passersby. If you already smile at passersby, say, “Good morning.” You’ll be amazed at how many people will respond with a “Good morning.”
Then keep doing it. Studies show it takes three weeks to establish a habit. As you get used to keeping your head up, smiling at strangers and saying, “hello,” your confidence will bloom. Meeting new people won’t be half as scary, because by then, you will know that nine times of out 10, when you say, “Hi,” to someone, they will say, “Hi,” back.
And as you create a happier, more confident, you, the dates will come. One “Hi,” at a time.

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