Husband spends too much time at his mom's place
Dear Dr. Ellen: My husband works very hard and is a good husband. He always respects me, doesn't raise his voice and is very supportive. However, he has some habits that really annoy me. About an hour after he comes home from work he will either leave to pay the bills (he won't mail them) or he will go over to his mother's and spend an hour with her. We have talked about this on several occasions. I think he should decrease the days he does this (7 day a week) to only 3 or 4. He is very adamant that he will not give up this ritual he does every day. Apparently this same issue caused problems in his first marriage and he is unwilling to negotiate. This is the only real complaint I have. He isn't running around on me or doing anything wrong, and believe me, with my past experiences with men, I would know if he was. He is very loving. Should I just grin and bear this, even though I want to spend more time with him? I work nights and I feel like our time together is too short as it is. Thanks. - Penny
Dear Penny: You married a wonderful man and much of it has to do to his upbringing. I have always felt that if a man loves and respects his mother he will be a terrific husband as long as he is not a "mama's boy" where he caters to his mother's every whim. You haven't described someone like that. You have to pick and choose your battles and cutting down on his one hour visits with his mom is not a battle you should try and fight. He has already stated that he is not willing to give this up and forcing him to do that will only make him resentful. You might want to consider changing to a day job so you can spend more time together even if it means a cut in pay. The long-term survival rate for couples who work different shifts is not very good. The lack of time together and lack of closeness eventually erodes most relationships. Taking away his one hour for himself either driving around paying the bills or visiting his mother isn't going to fix that. Appreciate your husband's kindness and consideration and know that there are many mothers out there who would love to have a son who is as devoted to them as your husband is to his mom. - Dr. Ellen
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